Showing posts with label not recommended. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not recommended. Show all posts

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Very Brief Film Reviews: Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical (2001)

Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical
2001
Don Roy King (director), Leslie Bricusse (writer), Steve Cuden (writer), based on the book by Robert Louis Stevenson
Starring David Hasselhoff, Coleen Sexton, Andrea Rivette


OH MY GOD DAVID HASSELHOFF

*runs away and vomits*

There's really nothing else I can say about his performance. Any aspect thereof.

This film was physically painful. The acting is atrocious. The adapted dialogue is appallingly bad. The set and costumes are derivative. And the chick he marries can't carry a tune in a bucket. I literally do not even remember if the music itself was any good because I spent the whole time writhing in agony. There isn't even any eye candy to make up for the terrible acting.

So bad it's almost hilarious...but not quite enough to spend your time actually watching it. Don't. Really, I'm serious. Even drunk. Don't.

IMDB: Jekyll & Hyde

Monday, May 19, 2014

Very Brief Film Reviews: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
2005
Tim Burton (director), John August (screenplay), Roald Dahl (story)
Starring Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly


I'm really not so hung up on the old film version with Gene Wilder, and I was looking forward to this new version. It was deeply disappointing.

Yes, a lot of the visuals were great, I certainly liked Charlie and Grandpa Joe (all of the Bucket family was good, actually), and I do like Johnny Depp as an actor in general. But this movie just really didn't work for me either, and it wasn't just the characterization of Deep Roy's computer-replicated Oompa Loompa overtly embodying and reinforcing the imperialistic colonialism/industrialization paradigm rather than drawing attention to or questioning it.

Although that was pretty fucking uncomfortable, too.

First of all, the backstory. Seriously, what the fuck? It was utterly unnecessary, it was forced, it made no sense within the context of the rest of the story, and it was untrue to the entire concept of who and what Willy Wonka is.

They then stretched that to the point of the grotesque with Depp's actual portrayal. He was just...childish. Regressive. A creepy Wonka, I don't mind. Effeminate, I certainly don't mind (and we all know Depp is super hawt in eyeliner). But a drugged-out eight-year-old with daddy issues? With gross flat teeth? Just couldn't hack it. It just ended up feeling like a vehicle for Depp to be Crazy and Weird and Look At Me I'm Just So Out There and Amazing Whoa Me.

Wonka is a trickster figure, on the side of chaos and joy and mischief and, ultimately, justice, with karmic punishment meted out to those who deserve it and fantastic rewards granted to those who win his favor. Like all tricksters, he is neither truly good nor truly malevolent, and his lack of empathy sets him apart from ordinary human characters.

Unlike the rest of us, he doesn't have a reason to be the way he is. He doesn't need one.


IMDB: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Film review: X-Men III: The Last Stand

X-Men: The Last Stand
2006
Directed by Brett Ratner, written by Simon Kinberg and Zak Penn

Edited: A really, really, really long review in here. Warnings: Spoilerific and not at all complimentary.

Little Penguin: Shiraz

Little Penguin
Shiraz
Southeast Australia, 2006