Wine to movies

• Fact: writing reviews of wine I have drunk requires me to drink wine

• Fact: buying wine costs money

• Fact: my liquor budget is sadly diminished 

(Corollary: these days I spend said budget on either vodka or cider)

• Result: no more wine reviews for now

I hope to get back to writing them eventually, but for now the only alcohol reviews may be the occasional one for hard cider as I pursue my eternal quest to find one that isn't sickeningly sweet. Instead I will be focusing primarily on my film reviews, interspersed occasionally with fandom character analyses. Netflix and Tumblr promise to fuel me with a nearly unending source of both.

I'll drink to that.


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Very Brief Film Reviews: Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical (2001)

Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical
2001
Don Roy King (director), Leslie Bricusse (writer), Steve Cuden (writer), based on the book by Robert Louis Stevenson
Starring David Hasselhoff, Coleen Sexton, Andrea Rivette


OH MY GOD DAVID HASSELHOFF

*runs away and vomits*

There's really nothing else I can say about his performance. Any aspect thereof.

This film was physically painful. The acting is atrocious. The adapted dialogue is appallingly bad. The set and costumes are derivative. And the chick he marries can't carry a tune in a bucket. I literally do not even remember if the music itself was any good because I spent the whole time writhing in agony. There isn't even any eye candy to make up for the terrible acting.

So bad it's almost hilarious...but not quite enough to spend your time actually watching it. Don't. Really, I'm serious. Even drunk. Don't.

IMDB: Jekyll & Hyde

Very Brief Film Reviews: Chasing Amy (1997)

Chasing Amy
1997
Kevin Smith (director, writer)
Starring Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, Ethan Suplee


A pair of best friends' professional and personal relationship is tested, along with many of their assumptions, when one of them falls in love with a lesbian.

I saw a real run of disappointing movies right around this time. I've loved most of Kevin Smith's other movies, but this one failed to deliver. Is it just because it's kind of outdated at this point, and all the lesbian stereotypes/misconceptions have already been aired to anyone who isn't living under a rock, or because I just already know all this stuff myself and find it boring to deal with? Also, dude, NO MENTION of bisexuality at all - it was all "lesbian" or "straight," which is absurd and disappointing: offensive in real life and boring in a film about sexual orientation.

I also found the characterizations less thoughtful and interesting than in some of his other movies; I didn't develop any real connection or interest in any of them, and found Holden to be frankly kind of a shallow dipshit.

Either way, I was sad. I wish I'd seen it in high school, when it first came out and was likely more relevant to both society and to me.


IMDB: Chasing Amy

Very Brief Film Reviews: The Full Monty (1997)

The Full Monty
Peter Cattaneo (director), Simon Beaufoy (writer)
Starring Robert Carlyle, Tom Wilkinson, Mark Addy

I love British films! Two middle-aged friends in a run-down factory town are out of work; one of them urgently needs to prove that he deserves visiting rights to his young son, while the other feels that he's not desirable anymore and his wife doesn't want him. Desperate and broke, they do the only thing they can think of: they decide to put on a strip show.

Hilarious, vulgar, and tender, as only the Brits can do. Highly recommended.

IMDB: The Full Monty

Very Brief Film Reviews: Martin Chuzzlewit (1994)

Martin Chuzzlewit
1994
Pedr James (director), David Lodge (screenplay), Charles Dickens (story)
Starring Paul Scofield, Pauline Turner, Philip Franks


Masterpiece Theater TV mini-series dramatization of the Charles Dickens story. I didn't expect to like it - I don't generally enjoy Dickens. But I did, I really did. The villains were marvelously foul and despicable, and the heroes were noble and good (except for a few who were rather awful to begin with but got themselves sorted out eventually). It was fun!

I actually got caught up in the story and the characters, and found that its grittiness felt sharp rather than preachy. The acting was terrific, and Paul Scofield is a stunningly good-looking old man. Much fun.

IMDB: Martin Chuzzlewit

Very Brief Film Reviews: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
2005
Tim Burton (director), John August (screenplay), Roald Dahl (story)
Starring Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly


I'm really not so hung up on the old film version with Gene Wilder, and I was looking forward to this new version. It was deeply disappointing.

Yes, a lot of the visuals were great, I certainly liked Charlie and Grandpa Joe (all of the Bucket family was good, actually), and I do like Johnny Depp as an actor in general. But this movie just really didn't work for me either, and it wasn't just the characterization of Deep Roy's computer-replicated Oompa Loompa overtly embodying and reinforcing the imperialistic colonialism/industrialization paradigm rather than drawing attention to or questioning it.

Although that was pretty fucking uncomfortable, too.

First of all, the backstory. Seriously, what the fuck? It was utterly unnecessary, it was forced, it made no sense within the context of the rest of the story, and it was untrue to the entire concept of who and what Willy Wonka is.

They then stretched that to the point of the grotesque with Depp's actual portrayal. He was just...childish. Regressive. A creepy Wonka, I don't mind. Effeminate, I certainly don't mind (and we all know Depp is super hawt in eyeliner). But a drugged-out eight-year-old with daddy issues? With gross flat teeth? Just couldn't hack it. It just ended up feeling like a vehicle for Depp to be Crazy and Weird and Look At Me I'm Just So Out There and Amazing Whoa Me.

Wonka is a trickster figure, on the side of chaos and joy and mischief and, ultimately, justice, with karmic punishment meted out to those who deserve it and fantastic rewards granted to those who win his favor. Like all tricksters, he is neither truly good nor truly malevolent, and his lack of empathy sets him apart from ordinary human characters.

Unlike the rest of us, he doesn't have a reason to be the way he is. He doesn't need one.


IMDB: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Very Brief Film Reviews: Pan's Labyrinth (2006)

Pan's Labyrinth / El Laberinto del Fauno (The Labyrinth of the Faun)
2006
Guillermo del Toro (director, writer)
Starring Ivana Baquero, Ariadna Gil, Sergi Lopez

This film deserves every glory it won: it is beautiful, it is wildly imaginative, it is captivating, and it is ruthlessly painful.

It is physically brutal, set during the Spanish Civil War, and emotionally brutal; it is frightening in many different ways, but it gives as much as it takes, and it is unrelentingly brilliant. It has a vocabulary, visual and thematic, that encompasses nearly every major work of children's fantasy of the last century, and not just books: Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Narnia, the Labyrinth (of course), the Neverending Story, a dozen others. The cinematography and special effects are hauntingly beautiful and well-woven.

But this is not a children's movie. This is a dark and powerful film, and you should absolutely see it but know that it is not a pretty story.

In Spanish with subtitles. Rated R with good reason.


IMDB Link: Pan's Labyrinth

Very Brief Film Reviews: Catherine the Great (2005)

Catherine the Great
2005
Paul Burgess (director, writer), John-Paul Davidson (director, writer)
Starring Emily Bruni, Diana Dumbrava, Dan Chiriac

A dramatically reenacted documentary of the life and reign of Catherine the Great of Russia. Gorgeous costuming, and the woman who plays Catherine, Emily Bruni, is remarkable (and also gorgeous, in a very unusual way). I don't know too much about Catherine herself but this seemed fairly even-handed and thorough for one of these historical documentaries.

The scholars who give their opinions on various aspects of her life are often amusing -- there's one who is totally in love with her, you just know that he secretly writes Catherine/Potemkin fanfic. I am not kidding.

Really enjoyed this.

IMDB: Catherine the Great

Very Brief Film Reviews: Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Moulin Rouge!
2001
Baz Luhrmann (director, writer), Craig Pearce (writer)
Starring Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor, John Leguizamo

It took me years to see this after it first came out, but when I did, I liked it, I really did. Occasionally I wanted to smack people, but I liked it, and the more times I've seen it since, the more I've fallen in love with it.

A young man goes to Paris at the turn of the 20^th century to Be Part Of Art and falls madly in love with a dancer/prostitute who aspires to be a serious actress. Together they try to defy the odds and, in true bohemian fashion, have both Love and Art.

This is melodrama at its finest, and musicals at their finest, using well-known modern songs in new contexts. And it really is fun. Starring an anexoric Nicole Kidman and doe-eyed Ewan McGregor, both of whom are truly terrific singers and actors.

Definitely recommended.

IMDB Link: Moulin Rouge! 

Very Brief Film Reviews: House of Flying Daggers (2004)

House of Flying Daggers
2004
Zhang Yimou (director, writer), Feng Li, Wang Bin, Zhang Yimou (writers)
Starring Takeshi Kineshiro, Andy Lau, Zhang Ziyi, Dandan Song

During the Tang dynasty, a rebel group arises against the government. The police engage in subterfuge in an attempt to find and take down the leaders, including a beautiful blind woman they believe to be an assassin, but their plots are complicated further by continual layers of betrayal, secret loyalty, and secrets.

Frankly, I didn't like House of Flying Daggers nearly as much as Hero - the story was less skillful and a little too complicated, the fighting was less interesting and varied, and the cinematography was less stunning. That said, all those things were still deeply enjoyable, it was still lovely and interesting and fun, and - as typical of Zhang's movies - things are never as simple as they purport to be. Basically, I enjoyed watching it once very much, but haven't bothered to rewatch it since. In Chinese with subtitles.


IMDB Link: House of Flying Daggers

Very Brief Film Reviews: Hero (2002)

Hero
2002
Zhang Yimou (director, writer), Feng Li, Wang Bin (writers)
Starring Jet Li, Tony Leung Chiu-Wai, Maggie Cheung, Zhang Ziyi

An ostensibly simple story of how a simple man defeats three would-be assassins of the first Emperor of China, which unfolds slowly and gracefully as the newly celebrated hero tells his story to the Emperor himself.

The extended combat scenes use the surreal fighting style with lots of wire-work first popularized in the West with Hidden Tiger, Crouching Dragon: very balletic, not terribly reliant on physics. The pace is slow - too slow for some - but I feel that as long as you let yourself be absorbed into it, it serves to draw you in, with long lingering strokes that draw out the tension, the secrets, the questions. Visually, the movie is breathtakingly beautiful. One of Zhang Yimou's greatest strengths as a cinematographer is his use of color and textures, in my opinion, and it is nowhere shown off as strongly as in this film.

Do be warned that if you cry easily at movies, bring a tissue. Or a box. In Chinese with subtitles.

Highly recommended.

IMDB Link: Hero

Very Brief Film Reviews: The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

The Shawshank Redemption
1994
Frank Darabont (screenplay, director), Stephen King (story)
Starring Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman

This is one of my all-time favorite movies. A former banker is sent to the brutal Shawshank Prison for life for the murder of his wife and her lover. He insists on his innocence but no one, from jury to fellow inmates, believes him. Despite the atrocities being committed around him, and to him, he fights to survive and to maintain his sense of self.

Placed in Maine in the 1940s. This is a violent, painful movie, and not for the squeamish, but it is an incredibly beautiful story, tremendously well-written and well-acted. It was nominated for seven Oscars but for some reason won none.

Highly, highly recommended.


IMDB Link: The Shawshank Redemption

Very Brief Film Reviews: Real Genius (1985)

Real Genius
1985
Martha Coolidge (director), Neal Israel & others (screenplay)
Stars Val Kilmer

Ultimately nerdy science geniuses studying at a high-profile, high-intensity university based on CalTech must come together and put their talents to use to save both their own academic careers and the world. There are crazy professors! Lasers! Hair! Romance! Evil military types! Lots of people being geniuses! Slapstick comedy, very '80s.

Probably best while drunk, very late at night with friends, but in that general context, rather fun.

IMDB Link: Real Genius

Very Brief Film Reviews: Spider-Man 1, 2, 3 (2002, 2004, 2007)

Spider-Man
Sam Raimi, director
2002

I love it! I really do. Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is so nerdishly cute, and so sweet, and I like that he has his superpowers but is also very humanly vulnerable, physically and emotionally, in ways that superheroes weren't always portrayed before that (the recent run of Batman, Superman, Avengers, etc. movies have continued this trend, but Spider-Man was the first I'd seen). The friendship between MJ and Peter is sweet, with just the right edge of something more hovering on the edges, and I think Kirsten Dunst is an underappreciated actor.
I love that Spider-Man is a poor kid from a working-class family in a crappy suburb, that he has to work terrible jobs to get by, that he lives in a terrible little apartment and nobody takes him seriously, that he has to fight for everything he gets honestly. Comparing that with Ironman or Batman can be uncomfortable in what the latter two say about our social values, as much as I enjoy them.
It was also cool to see the movie again in 2005 after getting to know NYC a little better.



Spider-Man 2
Sam Raimi, director
2004

Middling rating. I did really enjoy watching the combined strain of being poor and exploited and miserable, and of being a superhero responsible for the welfare and safety of all these people, tear Peter down. (Call me a sadist, but you know you enjoyed it too.) It was real and believable that his emotional stamina would finally wear out. Being a hero is damn hard work if you do it right, and he didn't have all those support systems that, say, Batman does. Like a butler and regular meals and no day job or other career goals.
But I felt the overall story didn't hold together quite so tightly, and the whole wedding storyline was odd and felt forced in there. I liked Doc Ock but there was some very awkward dialogue and predictable plot that could have been avoided, I felt.
Generally, it was a decent movie, some scenes were very enjoyable, but I'm not exactly running out to buy it.


Spider-Man 3
Sam Raimi, director
2007

The third of the trilogy, on the other hand, was shallow, obnoxious, and way too chaotic. They had three more villains in there than they needed, and the plots were completely ramshackle and unsupported. Even with the power going to his head, Peter seemed totally out of character, and his decisions didn't really make sense. There was also NO chemistry left between Peter and MJ, leaving that whole dramatic plot completely flat.
It's a shame they wasted the Venom storyline in a poorly constructed movie, because I think that could have been a really fantastic topper to the trilogy. Yes, deal with his growing ego and sense of importance; yes, deal with temptation, and the corruption of power; yes, deal with revenge and anger and jealousy.
Couldn't they have just done it better?
Lousy movie. Don't freaking bother.


IMDB Link: Spider-Man

IMDB Link: Spider-Man 2

IMDB Link: Spider-Man 3

Very Brief Film Reviews: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not / À la folie... pas du tout
Laetitia Colombani (dir, writer), Caroline Thivel (writer)
2002

Starring Audrey Tautou (Amelie), we thought this would be a sweet romantic film in the same vein. Oh no. College-age Angelique is desperately in love with a married surgeon, whom she claims adores her, too; her friends tell her that he's stringing her along and she's better off without him, but she refuses to listen. How does the surgeon really feel about her?

A rather disturbing psychological film, quite well made. Very French. Also starring Samuel Le Bihan and Isabelle Carré. In French with subtitles.

IMDB Link

Very Brief Film Reviews: Memoirs of a Geisha

Memoirs of a Geisha
Directed by Rob Marshall

Screenplay by Robin Swicord, based on the book by Arthur Golden

2005

Beautiful. This is an instance where I have to say I really enjoyed the movie more than the book. The book, I was not so impressed with; the movie, I really liked. Visually stunning; the atmosphere is deeply evocative of pre-war Japan; the characters are true and very well acted. Saiyuri was actually much more believable in the movie than in the book, and the almost fairy tale-like story flows more smoothly and feels more natural. The soundtrack is also excellent.

Starring Ziyi Zhang, Ken Watanabe, and Michelle Yeoh, all of whom were bloody fantastic. In English.

IMDB Link: Memoirs of a Geisha

Very Brief Film Reviews: The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship

The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship
Based on the Russian folk tale, adapted by John Hambley
1990


The Fool of the World and the Flying Ship: An animated short based on a Russian folktale, made for the show Long Ago and Far Away. The Tsar decrees that whoever brings him a flying ship shall marry his daughter; a naive young woodcutter sets out to find his good-for-nothing brothers and stumbles upon ship and a haphazard collection of very strange shipmates.

Stop-action claymation, absolutely gorgeously done; the story is a terrific folktale, the characters are kind and memorable, and it's wonderfully funny to boot. It used to be very hard to find but well-worth the search; now I think you can buy the DVD on Amazon. Highly recommended.

 IMDB: Fool of the World

Very Brief Film Reviews: Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard: The Definite Article (1996)
Eddie Izzard: Glorious (1997)


Eddie Izzard: The Definite Article: Eddie Izzard is wonderful...except when he's not. He's not very smooth. He'll have whole sections which just aren't very funny, and then in a heartbeat I'll be laughing so hard I'm crying and gasping for breath. In general, I love him, but I do wish he were a little more consistent. The nature of comedy, I guess.

Eddie Izzard: Glorious: Basically the same: parts were great, other parts were lame. I kept doing bad Sean Connery impersonations for a week. My wife was ready to kill me.

My favorite Eddie Izzard filmed routine is definitely Dress to Kill (1999); I would recommend that one above these other two routines. Otherwise, I would definitely recommend being in a relaxed, probably somewhat drunk, giggly mood already, and then you'll have a terrific time.


IMDB: Definite Article
IMDB: Glorious

Very Brief Film Reviews: Labyrinth

Labyrinth
Jim Henson
1986




Labyrinth: Jim Henson's classic, and one of the great modern works of art of the fantastic. As with all of Henson's great works, the comedy and the cuteness and the slapstick are perfectly balanced with, and delicately undermined by, the grim and the gruesome and the truly terrifying, with the edge of the unearthly and very, very real that he and Brian Froud could tap into when they were at their height.

I first came to this movie as an adult (and wish I'd grown up with it as many did), but I love it deeply, and have watched it again and again over the years. I'm still not a fan of Jennifer Connelly's acting, sorry, but the puppetry of all forms is mind-blowing, and David Bowie really is terribly, hella sexy.

1986
IMDB: Labyrinth

Healdsbury Ranches: Cabernet Sauvignon

Healdsbury Ranches
Cabernet Sauvignon
California, 2008


Tonight's lesson: Stay away from boots on wine.

Forest Ville: Merlot

Forest Ville
Merlot
California 2009

Hess Select: Sauvignon Blanc

Hess Select
Sauvignon Blanc
California, 2009

Chateau Puynard: Bordeaux

Chateau Puynard
Bordeaux
France, 2005

Oak Leaf Vineyards - Chardonnay

Oak Leaf Vineyards
Chardonnay
California, age unspecified

Cavit Collection - Riesling

Cavit Collection
Riesling
Italy, 2009